Easy Disposable Friends (yes you have them too...don’t judge!)

 Now...I am not writing this blog post because I want to, or rather have to. Tonight I am sorting letters and sentences in an orderly fashion because I have two tests waiting for me tomorrow afternoon and I really don’t want to study. So this right here is my” procrastination haven”

with my 2 longest surviving friends; Hardus(left) Ruan(right)
few people has the patience with me like these legends 

A few nights ago a young lady on campus asked me a question that made me think for a while... I couldn’t answer her directly (which is a strange phenomenon for me).

The question was: “Martin, what is the worst thing about being a third culture kid?”

After musing by myself, out loud of course, I came to the conclusion that the most difficult aspect of my childhood was the fact that I never had long-term friendships. All my friends were easy disposable. And it definitely affects my social attitude today as a young adult.

...Haters gonna hate...

The problem with moving around quite often is, (besides the fact that it is rated as the 2^nd most stressful traumatic event in an individual’s life. 1^st being the death of a person close to you) cutting your relationships.

Let us be honest with each other; yes you always tell your friends you will keep in touch. In fact the social media has made it so much easier for us to keep in touch with old friends. But it is not the same. If you had the privilege to meet up with a friend you haven’t seen in a decade I can promise you the chances are you will be disappointed. People change all the time. You change constantly! The people you relate to now will not necessarily be the same people in ten years.

So let’s go back to disposable friends. I am being brutally honest with this topic and I hope somewhere somehow you can relate to me or else I need to see a psychiatrist for fears of having social-sadistic behaviours.

I used to ( I guess I still do) make friends with the preconception that I will not have a relationship with them after 4 years max. Attaching an expiry date to relationships was and still is an easy way to move on when the time comes.  As a family we tend to move every 3-4 years. Not because we plan it that way but it seems like our wheel of life takes about 4 years for good spin. 

The moving around part is easy. But trying to find disposable friends is the real hard part... the next time you see your friends at your varsity, pub or where ever, just try to put an expiry date to them. It will be difficult at first (whatever you do, do not tell them their dates! Unless it’s a TCK, or an asshole which most probably is the same person) because if you are not a Machiavellian character from a Shakespearean play then it shouldn’t be natural. We as humans try to build long term relationships...

However not getting too attached does have its advantageous.  You can walk away from a draining friendship with little or no remorse. You can build quick relationships and you learn to depend on yourself. 

The most important lesson I learned as TCK was; never attach sentimental value to people. Keep your expectations as low as possible so that you will be surprised rather disappointed.

In 3 months time I will visit Turkey. I haven’t been there for more than 6 years. Many of my friends in the country invited me to stay over at their places. But I know that these are not the same people I have left. I cannot expect to catch up with them from where we left. Who knows, by keeping my expectations low, I might be surprised?

So I conclude this blog post on a flat note because I couldn’t think of any sarcastic statement. Well my books are waiting for me at my desk; I guess I should stop moaning about the lost friendships in my live and start studying. Who knows... maybe one day I will become a successful and rich International trader surrounded with many disposable friends and I shall refer to them as “contacts” and the act of obtaining them “networking”.